My name is Ligia. I lost my eldest son Anton to suicide in December 2019.
There are no words adequate to describe the life-changing pain of losing a child. I did not believe I could survive it, but I am still here, surviving.
I am a psychotherapist. I am also the mother of a wonderful son who took his own life aged 32, in December 2019. This blog is part of my attempt to express how this experience of colossal loss has impacted on my life, find some sense of meaning, and to share some of the things that have helped me to survive.
Having never done anything like this before, I am sure to make mistakes. I certainly do not make any claim to speak for everyone who has lost a son or daughter, or everyone who has experienced the particular grief that accompanies suicide or other traumatic loss. This is a personal story, and one that I post just in case it may help anyone finding themselves in a similar nightmare. I am so sorry if you are one such person; this is a club that no-one chooses to join. Here I will say one thing only, and that is the thing I needed to hear most of all: you can survive this.
The posts are a mixture of pieces: personal reflections of where I was at and what had changed at different times after the loss; specific topics such as my frustrating search for a therapist; theories and ideas about grief that have been useful to me; Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) techniques and strategies that have helped me along the way...